(Note: if you haven't heard the song, this post isn't going to make much sense)
(Note the 2nd [or would it be Note Jr.?] : you should listen to the song)
The song has a few lines that really speak to me about where I am at this point in my life. The most haunting for me is:
"I won't always love these selfish things."
I've been having discussions with people lately about relationships, marriage, and children. A lot of my friends/family are getting married or having kids lately. While I think it is great for them, I just know it my heart that I am nowhere near ready for that kind of commitment and, through my talks, have come to the conclusion that the reason I'm not ready is because I am simply too selfish at this point in my life. And you know what, I'm not sorry. I can't be sorry for feeling that way right now.
On the flip side, I don't want to always be so selfish. One day, I do want to settle down, get married and start a family, but that is going to force me to put other people first, something I've never really done.
"I won't always love what I'll never have,
I won't always live in my regrets"
This one is a bit touchier for me. One thing I can say for certain about myself, is that I have never had good timing. Something was always wrong. I have a hard time looking back at my life and wondering how different things would be if I had just had the courage to say how I felt, taken the chance, swung for the fences. I've taken steps the last few years to try and takes some of those chances, but I know that some of the things I've done in my past can never be undone. It has taken some time for me to come to terms with that idea. I think this line really speaks to wanting to move forward, to shed the weaker parts of our past selves and be the person we always hoped we would be. But it also shows it to be a process, not something you can do so easily as changing your clothes, taking a different route to work, etc.
"No one else will have me like you do
No one will have me, only you"
This goes back to regrets and living in the past. This is more about being accepted for who you are, no pretenses or judgements. There have been a few amazing people in my life who I felt 100% comfortable around, where I knew I could be absolutely who I was and feel no judgement or remorse. They got me. It is hard when you move on in your life and realize just how important that kind of love is. I hate sitting in a group of people and having a thought come into my mind and realize that I can't comfortably say it out loud. If you are one of those people that has always been there for me at my silliest, most insecure, non-sensical moments, thank you, I can't possibly tell you how much it meant/means to me.
The beginning of the song talks about leaving someone behind and it not being an easy decision.
"I'm still driving away,
and I'm sorry every day"
Later in the song it talks of living in the moment and taking risks:
"You'll sit alone forever,
If you wait for the right time,
So what are you hoping for?"
I love the opposition of those two sentiments. One talks about perhaps regretting a chance not taken, while the other urges you to risk it, there will never be the perfect moment. I think it is something that a lot of people, both my age and not, go through and feel.
It is a difficult balance between living your life and keeping the lessons of the past with you. I know that is something I have struggled with, and continue to deal with.
I could sit and break down all of the little pieces of the song individually all day, but what is important to me about the song is the message as a whole. Its message of the struggle to grow up and be an adult and what all of that is supposed to mean is really poignant to me. It is just one song that has meant a lot to me and I wanted to share my thoughts.
This was a lot of fun, there may be more of these song analysis's coming.
All I have to say is Im right there with you Trey. I think we talked about this at my Birthday relationships and such. Being selfish etc.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it